Sky Blue Winchester
by quietandsneaky
Summary: Prequel to Raindrops on Winchesters. After arguing with her father over coloring her hair, Ellie decides to go ahead and do it anyway.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me. The original character of Ellison Winchester does. **

**A/N: I am still working on The Things Unseen (Make the Soul Ache)-The In Between. That's the one that I will be updating regularly, though I do plan to make this story 3-5 chapters long. I'm also aware I have a few other stories that need to be updated and while I do plan to update those at some point too, I can't give a timeline on that. Enjoy!**

For once in her life, Ellie Winchester was happy.

As she blow dried her long, thick hair, the sick feeling of nervousness caused her stomach to clench. It was way too late to turn back now. But the thrill of a different look exhilarated her. So she turned off the hair dryer and looked in the mirror.

"You've got this."

"Sis! I'm back!"

Ellie took a breath. She heard Sam put down the grocery bags he'd gone to retrieve and called out to him. "I'm in here. Be out in a minute."

"You okay? You're still in the bathroom?"

"Yeah. Sam, listen. When I come out, I need you to not laugh at me, okay?"

"Why would I laugh at you?"

"Just promise me." Ellie said, trying hard not to beg. "Promise me or I stay in here."

"Okay, okay. I promise."

"Alright. I'm coming out."

John stared out the window, his thoughts an hour away with his two younger children. Twins Sam and Ellie had recently turned thirteen. While John had his own troubles with Sam, it was Ellie that was troubling him right now. She had entered a stage that John had somewhat known was coming, but hoped he could avoid. Ellie was convinced she wasn't pretty. No matter how many times both her brothers tried to convince her that she was, Ellie never believed them. She'd turned to her father for some sort of support, but, much to John's regret now, he'd told her to 'stop worrying everyone because we have other things to do'.

That had been a week earlier, and Ellie had gone quiet after that. She would go to school, come home, bury herself in her room to complete her homework, came out to eat dinner, then went to bed. That had lasted five days, until Ellie came out and approached John at the kitchen table. John had been researching for the hunt he was currently on. He'd seen her approach the table, stand there and go back and forth on the balls of her feet. John had continued working, knowing she'd eventually ask whatever was on her mind. She did, and a rare fight between John and Ellie was underway.

_A Week Later_

"_Dad, can I ask you for something?" _

"_You can ask." _

"_You promise you'll hear me out?" Ellie asked. "You won't say no until I'm finished talking all the way?" _

_John sighed. Ellie was a good kid, and she didn't argue with him often. One of the only full fledged fights the two of them had ever had started when Ellie accused John of constantly interrupting her and Sam when they came to ask him for things. John's first instinct had been to tell Ellie she was wrong, but after a little thought, he'd agreed and promised to work on stopping, if and only if Sam and Ellie both would work on being more accepting when he did tell them no. _

"_I promise I'll hear you out. What is it?" _

_Ellie breathed out and finally asked her question. "Can I color my hair?" _

_John stopped working and immediately looked up. "What?" _

"_Can I color my hair?" Ellie repeated. _

_Wanting to rant and rave, but remembering his promise not to interrupt Ellie, John waited. But inside, he was fuming. Ellie was a carbon copy of her late mother Mary. Long, wavy blonde hair that often made John revisit both good and painful memories. The thought of Ellie ever losing that beautiful hair made him panic. Ellie hadn't said anything else, so John swiftly quelled her request. _

"_No." _

"_Dad, please…" _

"_I said no, Ellison." John said again. "The answer is no." _

"_Please, Dad? I just want to do something different…" _

"_I will not tell you again. The answer is NO. Ask me again and I'll give you the answer while you're over my knee. Understand?" _

"_Why can't YOU understand?" Ellie fumed, then turned and stormed off. _

"_ELLISON WINCHESTER, GET BACK HERE NOW!" John was mildly surprised when Ellie turned back and stopped just out of range of his hand. "What is wrong with you?" _

"_Nothing." _

"_I'm giving you a chance here. If nothing's wrong, then why did you stomp away from me? You know better than that." _

"_It's my hair. Why can't I do what I want with it?"_

"_Coloring your hair is expensive…" _

"_I have the money. I can pay for it." _

"_How do you have the money?" _

"_From working for uncle Bobby the last few times we were there. I asked him about doing chores for some pocket money. He gave me some birthday money too." _

"_Bring it here. All of it."  
_

"_What?" _

"_The money uncle Bobby paid you. Bring it here. Now." John demanded._

"_No." _

_John was stunned. "Excuse me?" _

"_I said no. It's my money, I earned it." _

"_It's that or a spanking. What's your choice?" _

"_The spanking. It's my money, I'm not giving it up." _

_Suddenly, John was tired. He wanted to finish the research for this hunt, go on the hunt, and come back. He didn't want to get into a fight with Ellie. Whenever they did argue, if it wasn't settled right away, Ellie would be hurt and the wounded look in her eyes would be too much for John to take. _

"_Just go to your room, Ellie. We'll talk about this when I come back."_

"_No, we won't. You'll never bring it up again and hope I'll forget about it." _

"_Fine. You're right. Like I said, the answer is no. You're not coloring your hair." _

"_Can I go to my room now, please?" Ellie asked, deflating as she gave up the argument._

"_Go on." _

"Dad?"

John was snapped out of his daydream by Dean's voice. "Yeah?"

"The light's been green for a minute. You okay?" 

"Oh. Thanks." John said, moving forward.

"You okay, Dad? You look kinda weird."

"Weird?"

"Like you're distracted." Dean explained.

John sighed. "I've been thinking about your sister."

"About the fight you two had before we left? Coloring her hair?"

"How'd you know? You and Sam were gone when that happened."

"Because she asked me first. I told her I didn't care, that she had to ask you." Dean explained.

"I just don't understand why she thinks she needs to change the way she looks to be beautiful." John said. "She already is."

"Have you told her that?"

"What? Of course I have."

"You've actually said that to her? That she's pretty? I know Sam and I have, but she needs to hear it from you too, Dad."

"She knows I feel that way."

Dean sighed. "If she knows that, then why does she want to change how she looks?"

Dean's answer caused John to think. He never actually had said the words 'you're beautiful' to Ellie. Remembering being married to Mary, and how quickly her mood would change when he reminded her how beautiful he thought she was, he wondered how swiftly Mary would've kicked his ass over not making Ellie feel just as pretty and special. John decided to allow Ellie to cut and style her hair any way she wanted, as long as she left the color alone for now.

Back at their small rental apartment, Sam's mouth was dragging the floor. Ellie was shifting from foot to foot, the awkwardness actually painful. Sam recovered himself and asked, amazed,

"What did you do?"

Ellie shrugged. "You like it?"

"Dad's gonna kick your ass for this."

"I know. But I don't care. It's my hair. I asked if _you_ like it."

"I love it." Sam said. "I really do."

Ellie smiled. "Thanks, Sammy."

"And whatever happens with Dad, I'm here for you."

Ellie didn't get a chance to thank Sam for his support, because the door opened at that moment and Dean and John stepped through. John started to say something, but stopped short at the sight of Ellie. In the space of five seconds, Sam and Ellie watched as John's face passed from recognition to shock to anger.

Ellie had colored her hair bright blue.


	2. Chapter 2

Ellie watched as her father's mouth failed to work. Sam stood next to her and grabbed her hand, something each of them did when in trouble, whether or not they were in trouble together. John noticed and normally it was enough to temper his fury. But not now.

Dean had just shut the door, and was the last to realize something was wrong. He first noticed Sam standing with Ellie, and Sam holding Ellie's hand, which immediately set him on edge. When Sam and Ellie had been younger, holding hands had been an everyday thing. It was the way the two of them kept up with each other, the way they communicated, the way they were friends when they were all each other had. Dean then saw what had drawn his father's silent fury-his sister's hair.

"Wow," was all Dean could think to say.

"Wow is exactly right." John seethed. He put his duffel bag on the floor beside him and barely restrained his temper. "What. Did. You. Do?"

"I colored my hair." Ellie answered.

"I see that. I told you no."

Ellie swallowed and squeezed Sam's hand, pulling up every ounce of bravery she could summon. "I did it anyway."

"You…" John chuckled humorlessly. "You did it anyway."

"Yes, sir." Ellie said.

"And what exactly gave you that right to do it anyway?" John asked.

"I told you. It's my hair, and I wanted to do it, so I did it."

Ellie had seen a cartoon once where someone got mad and steam came out of their ears. She'd always thought, until now, that it was funny. She could almost see the steam coming out of her father's ears, and it was anything but funny. She felt Sam squeeze her hand, and was grateful for the comfort. She squeezed Sam's hand back, waiting for the inevitable explosion from John.

"Dad, come on, let's talk about this…" Dean suggested, trying to calm his father down before John said something that he'd regret.

John's reaction shocked everyone. In the midst of his anger, he heard Mary's voice, saying something she'd said to him years ago. Dean had been four at the time, jealous because his parents were paying more attention to the two new babies in the house instead of him. Dean had done something, the particulars of which John couldn't remember, but Mary had been very clear. _Don't be angry. He needs Daddy to love him right now. _John collected himself by looking away, out the window, and finally turned back to Sam and Ellie.

"Go to bed."

"Daddy…"

"Ellison, go to bed. Now."

"Please just listen to me."

"I _did._" John seethed. "I gave you the chance to explain yourself, did I not?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of?" John asked. Frustrated, John turned around and told her again, "Go to bed."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, I'm afraid I'll hurt you." John said. "You've got three seconds to go to your bed before you're doing it crying."

Ellie didn't waste any time, turning on her heel and heading to the room she shared with Sam. Sam didn't immediately follow her. He stood staring at John, shooting daggers at him.

"What is it, Sam?"

"Nothing, Dad." Sam said, deciding not to make things any worse.

Sam walked to his and Ellie's room and shut the door behind him. Dean wondered how this was going to go. Ellie had always been the easy twin. Sure, she had her share of fights with Dad, but she always gave in to John much more easily than Sam did. Surprisingly, at least to Dean, it seemed to be Ellie's more accepting nature that made John give in to her more often. Dean started to say something, anything, to calm the situation down, when he noticed that John had his hand on the door.

"I'll be back, Dean."

"Sure, Dad."

"Ellie goes to bed now, Sam goes in two hours." John said.

"Dad…"

"Not now, Dean. Just…not now."

Dean wisely chose not to say anything. He headed towards Ellie and Sam's room when John left. He opened the door and found Sam on the bed, comforting a crying Ellie. Dean took a seat on the bed, making Ellie stop crying and look up at him. Dean put on a fake smile and reached over to take Ellie's hair.

"This is an…interesting choice."

Ellie sniffed. "I just wanted to do something fun."

"Is that really why you did it?"

Ellie shrugged. "Mostly."

"Mostly means there's something else. Can you tell me what else there is? Please?"

"I don't know."

"El? Babe, come on. Give me something here. Please." Dean begged. "Give me something I can work with."

"It's my hair, Dean. I should be able to do what I want with it."

Dean sighed. In truth, he agreed. He didn't see any harm in Ellie experimenting with her hair. There were much worse things she could be doing. But Dad had said no, and Ellie went against him, which just wasn't okay. No matter how much he agreed with Ellie, Dean had to enforce Dad's rules.

"Dad said no, Ellie. No means no." Dean said, as gently as he could.

Ellie's eyes filled with tears that she tried to hide. "I know."

Dean sighed. "What am I gonna do with you, Ellie bug?"

"What do you think he's gonna do?" Ellie asked, trying to get herself under control.

"I think you know the answer to that."

Ellie let out a little whine, and Sam attempted to comfort her by pulling her in for a hug. Dean grabbed her hand. "Hey. I'll be right here."

"Will you brush my hair?" Ellie asked. "You know, after?"

Dean smiled. When Ellie was upset, she tended to seek out either Sam's company or Dean with a hairbrush. Dean had never been able to explain it, and he hoped he would never have to, but Ellie always calmed down instantly whenever Dean brushed her hair. Even at thirteen, she sometimes fell asleep when he did it.

"You got it, kiddo. But you have to go to bed right now." Dean said. "No sense worrying about it until you have to."

Ellie nodded. "Okay, Dee."

"Sam, Dad said you have to go in two hours. You want to…"

"I'm staying right here." Sam said immediately.

_Of course,_ Dean thought to himself. "Okay, you two. I know you're not really going to sleep, but I want you to keep quiet. When Dad asks me if you've been asleep, I want to be able to tell him you have been. Got it?"

"Got it." Ellie and Sam said together.

"I'm out here if you need me."

"Night, Dee. Love you." Ellie said.

"Love you too, kiddo."

John ordered another beer. He'd left the apartment in a huff, and knew that he'd made everything worse by doing it. He was now, sitting at his barstool and attempting to numb his sorrows through the bottle in his hand, reliving the most pleasant memories he could summon in an attempt to tell himself that one day, everything would get better. Mary holding Sam in one arm and Ellie in another. Sam and Ellie refusing to sleep as babies unless the other one was there with them. Sam clinging to one of his legs and Ellie clinging to the other, giggling ferociously and causing a rare smile for John.

But those memories went out the window when the beer arrived. He drank almost the entire thing in one gulp, knowing he was now probably too drunk to drive home. He thought about what Ellie had said before leaving for the hunt. _It's my hair. Why can't I do what I want with it?_ John knew, without a doubt, that Mary likely would've agreed. She may have even helped Ellie do it. As he finished his third, and final, beer, John made a mistake. A big mistake.

He pulled out his wallet to pay, and ran across the only picture he had of Mary and Ellie.

Ellie was three months old in the picture, and was sitting on Mary's lap. John wasn't focused as much on Ellie as he was on Mary. Mary's back was to the camera, but John could see her long, beautiful blonde hair. The hair that Ellie had possessed until earlier that day, giving her father bittersweet memories of a time that would never come again.

It didn't matter what Mary would've done in this situation. She wasn't here.

John then thought about the last time Ellie had disobeyed him this strongly. It had been eighteen months earlier. They were moving again. They were moving the night of a talent show at Sam and Ellie's school. Ellie had won a part in the show, and wanted desperately to be able to perform. But they had a hunt, and John had told her she needed to help her brothers pack and be ready to go when he got back from getting supplies. Apparently, the second Dean had turned his back, Ellie snuck out of the house, headed to the school, and performed in the show anyway.

John had arrived at the school just as Ellie finished her song. He was surprised to see she received a standing ovation, and some in the audience were even shouting 'encore!'. Had he been a little more clear headed, John never would have done what he did. He'd walked straight down the aisle, up on the stage, grabbed Ellie by the arm and dragged her, kicking and fighting all the way back to the Impala.

John didn't spank often. It made Dean anxious, Sam resentful, and Ellie fearful of him. But after a long argument and lecture about holding them up and gaining unnecessary attention for them, in which neither of them listened to the other, John had spanked Ellie with the belt for the first time. He'd spanked her a few times before, but Ellie refused to have anything to do with him for nearly two weeks after that. She became quiet and subdued, answering him only when absolutely necessary. She answered every question with 'sir', and 'dad' never came out of her mouth. She flinched when he touched her, and John had very nearly apologized for spanking her in the hopes that she'd come back to him. Instead, he'd sat her down and had a long discussion with her again on why listening to him was important, and why he needed to know where she was at all times. But, unlike so many of his discussions with Dean or Sam about similar issues, he'd done the one thing he feared above all others.

"I wish I knew how to make you not be afraid of me. For that, I'm sorry. I know I'm not the father you deserve. I wish I could give you all the things you and your brother want so badly. If giving up my life meant you and your brothers would be safe and never have to deal with an ounce of pain, I'd do it and never look back. But there's no way to do that and keep you both safe. I will not chance something happening to you. I love you, Ellison. I love you so much that I can't stand it. If anything happened to you, life wouldn't be worth it anymore."

His speech had seemed to get through to Ellie, who responded by hugging his neck and not letting him go for a long while that night. After that, things had seemed to go as back to normal as they could go. John finished paying for his beer and began heading back to the apartment.

He walked the six blocks back. As he'd sat in the bar, he'd been assuming that he'd spank Ellie for not listening to him. But the thought of going through another two weeks of Ellie being scared of him was too much. Then, he remembered something. He hadn't meant it when he'd said it, but when he'd spanked Ellie for going to the show, he'd threatened another punishment if she disobeyed him again. He needed to make a strong point, and this was the way to do it. It would hurt like hell, for Ellie, Sam, and Dean, but he had to do it.

When John opened the apartment door, he found Dean sitting in the recliner looking through a magazine. Dean checked the clock, surprised that John was home so soon. John closed the door behind him and toed the salt line back into place.

"Is your sister asleep?

"Probably not. It's only been an hour and a half since you left."

"Where's Sam?"

"In the bedroom with Ellie."

"Go get them and bring them in here."

Dean didn't hesitate, but something in his dad's voice shook him to the core. Ellie and Sam came out, and John could see her shaking. He knew what she thought was coming, and for once, John wished she was right.

"Sit down, Ellison."Ellie took a seat on the couch, looking away from her father and towards the floor. Sam sat next to her, and John didn't bother telling him to go to bed. He saw Dean start to suggest it, but John held up a hand.

"No, Dean. You and Sam need to hear this too." John folded his arms and put on his 'dad' mask. "Ellison, look at me."

Ellie looked up into the eyes of what she thought was her angry father. She still said nothing, for there was nothing she could say.

"I have made it clear, to all of you, why you need to obey me when I tell you something. I am sick and tired of fighting with you and your brother over it. I heard you out when you asked me about coloring your hair. I gave you the chance to tell me anything more that was going on, and you didn't take it. Wanting to do something is not a good enough reason to do it when I say no. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Ellie responded, so quietly John very nearly didn't hear her.

"When you ran away to that talent show, I told you what would happen the next time you didn't listen to me. I hoped I would never have to do this, but you've given me no choice."

Ellie's eyes widened in fear. "Dad…"

"It's done, Ellison."

"What's done? Dad, what's going on?" Sam asked, speaking for the first time since John came home.

"I told you. If you don't listen to me, you can't stay with us. Go into your room and pack a bag." John said, ignoring Sam's question. "I'm putting you on a bus to Bobby's in the morning."

"How long is she supposed to be gone?" Sam asked angrily.

Preparing for the blast wave of anger, John pursed his lips and answered, "Indefinitely."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So, I decided to work on this story a little more. It's been a while, so here's a recap. Ellie is Sam's twin sister and Dean's younger sister. While her brothers and father are out, Ellie decides to color her hair, something that her father had expressly forbidden her to do. John's punishment for disobeying him is much harsher than anybody could imagine. In this chapter, Sam confronts his father and brother about John's sentence. In the next chapter, John wallows in self-pity and waffles about his decision. **

"How long is she supposed to be gone?" Sam asked angrily.

Preparing for the blast wave of anger, John pursed his lips and answered, "Indefinitely."

Sam didn't disappoint. "WHAT?"

"Don't yell at me, son. Help your sister pack her bags."

"NO! You can't be serious! She colors her hair and you get rid of her like trash! No, this isn't happening."

"You don't tell me what's happening and what isn't. That's not your call." John said with gritted teeth, careful to not raise his voice, fearing it would cause the argument to explode. "I'll give you one more chance. Help your sister pack a bag or you'll be the one having trouble sleeping tonight."

"You're abandoning her. You already leave us all the time, now you're making her leave. You're always saying family's the most important thing. Just answer me. How does this show her what she means to you?"

"Sammy." The quiet voice in the corner made Sam and Dean turn and John close his eyes. Ellie was crying steadily and pleading with her brother. "Please stop fighting with Dad."

"No. No, this is wrong. This is _so wrong_. Why aren't you angry about this?"

"He did say he'd do it if I didn't listen to him again. I don't want you to fight with him. Please." Ellie begged. "Please just help me pack."

Sam was torn. He didn't care about getting a spanking for fighting with his dad now. That wouldn't hurt as bad as this did. Ellie was his only friend. She kept him sane when they moved over and over and over again. They spent many whispered nights talking about their plans to get away from hunting and live their own lives. Sam wanted to be a lawyer, and after many nights of getting Ellie to talk, she admitted that her dream was of the family the two of them had never gotten to experience-her being the mom, meeting some nice guy to be the dad and husband, a couple of kids. She was willing to do whatever she had to for a job to support her for now imaginary family, but she wanted that family more than anything else.

Sam never told her, but Ellie's dream sounded just as good, if not better, than his.

Right now, Sam decided, he'd help Ellie. He couldn't understand it, but Ellie seemed to have an unconditional amount of admiration for their father. She hated the idea of angering him, and the thought of him being disappointed in her terrified her so much that she had thrown up from the worry before. When Sam and John fought, Ellie begged them both to stop. He'd pack her bags, hold her that night while she cried, and give John a hard time over the next few days until John either made Sam join Ellie or sent him somewhere else-in which case, he'd just run away to be with Ellie anyway. A disgusted Sam turned towards his father.

"This isn't over."

"I'm sure it's not." John said dryly.

"Daddy? Please don't leave again." Ellie begged, wiping her face and trying so hard to stop crying. "I won't beg and I'll try to stop crying, just please don't leave."

"I have…stuff to do." John said lamely. "Pack your bags and go to bed."

"Yes, sir. I love you."

_Damn it, _John thought to himself. Exactly what he hadn't wanted to hear. "I love you too."

John left and the room was thick with tension. Dean was still standing, looking distraught and unsure what to do. He'd always been sure that his father was doing his best, that he knew what the three of them needed and gave it to them, even if it made them hate him. But this? This made no sense to Dean at all. How could Dean or John protect either of his younger siblings if they weren't all together? Sam was standing and glaring at him, which was enough to break Dean's shock.

"What, Sam?"

"You said _nothing_. Not a damn thing to Dad. What's wrong with you?"

"Don't start, Sam." Dean said. "El, you need any help?"

"Ellie, I'll be right there." Sam said.

Ellie nodded and walked over to the bed she shared with Sam. She was still crying, wiping her face as she tried to pack her things away.

"Come outside." Dean said to Sam.

"What?"

"Come outside. You're not gonna be satisfied until you chew me out, so just do it outside so Ellie doesn't hear you."

"Fine. El, we'll be back, okay?"

Ellie nodded again, and Sam and Dean stepped outside. As Dean shut the door behind him, Sam started in on him again. "You're okay with this, aren't you?"

"No, Sam. I hate this. I _hate_ this, okay?"

"Then why didn't you say anything?" Sam whisper-yelled.

"How the hell do I change Dad's mind, Sam? Tell me how to do that."

"You could at least try. Tell Dad that he's wrong. Tell him that if he does this, he has to send you and me away too. Tell him it's cruel, tell him that he'll lose Ellie, tell him _something…_"

_If I do that, Sam, you'll be alone. All alone. No. _"I can't do that, Sam…"

"Right. Because God forbid John Winchester is ever wrong."

"Sam, listen to me. I mean it. When we take Ellie to the bus station in the morning, you don't start any crap with Dad. Nothing. You give Ellie a hug and you don't say anything else about it. Got it?"

"No. Not this time."

"Sam, just think about it. If you do what Dad wants, if Ellie does what Dad wants, don't you think he'll come to see that it's wrong?"

Sam laughed mirthlessly. "Dad? Admit that he's _wrong about something_? No, Dean. I don't see that happening."

"Will you please just give it a try? Just do it for me. Do it for Ellie. Please, Sam. This is hard enough without you making it worse."

"I knew that was coming. That it would somehow be my fault."

"I didn't say that."

"No. You didn't. But I am going to say this. If Dad sends her away tomorrow, the both of you better drug me and lock me up. Because I'm not leaving her alone." Sam said. "And I'll tell you something else. You and Dad mean everything to Ellie. She would die for you. And the sad part of it? Even though it should, this probably won't change that. Just think about that tomorrow night when she's not here and she's sitting all alone in the bed at Bobby's, crying herself to sleep. Like she does _every time_ you and Dad are gone. I hope you can live with that."

Sam said nothing else, turning and going inside to help Ellie pack her bags. Dean punched the wall next to the door, groaning at the pain that shot through his knuckles. Unable to face either of his baby siblings, he sat outside the room for more than an hour. When he went back inside, he found Sam and Ellie in a position he'd found them in many times since the two of them came home from the hospital after they were born. Sam's arm around Ellie, Ellie's arm around Sam, and the two of them hanging onto each other in a bond that John and Dean just couldn't comprehend. The thought of breaking that bond the next day drove a stake through Dean's heart. Dean took the blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped the two of them up.

"I'm sorry, baby girl. I'll fix this as soon as I can."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okay. I got another PM criticizing my view of John last night. I'm going to, again, explain my view on him. Again, this is MY VIEW on John Winchester. You can share my take on him or not. Either way, please be nice about it. **

**He was an amazing hunter. I think he loved his children more than anything else, but his priorities were screwed up. I think, as he got older, he knew that he'd messed up, but it was too late to undo the damage he did. I think if he'd lived longer, he would have tried to make it up to Sam and Dean, but he never got the chance. **

**One more thing. Did anyone see that Supernatural finale last night? Without leaving spoilers in the reviews, what did you think?**

**I will **_**definitely **_**be writing something about it in the next few days. I will put a spoiler warning on the story when I post it, but it's just too good to pass up. **

The alcohol did nothing to dull the ache. It hardly ever did anymore.

John had known the second he pronounced what was going to happen that he'd gone too far. Ellie already believed she had to work for his affection. He did everything he could to show Ellie that he loved her, with no limit or restriction, and that nothing could make him change his mind. But here they were. Stuck in another loop of Winchester kid messes up, Dad reacts too harshly, and everything goes to hell.

"Another one?" The tall, blonde, busty bartender that would've had Dean drooling if he'd been here asked.

"Sure. Why not?" John said.

The bartender filled his glass again and attempted a brief conversation, which John shut down swiftly. He didn't want to talk now. He just wanted to drown himself so he didn't have to face the damage he was surely going to do in the morning. _They'd probably be better off,_ John thought, downing another drink as he thought it.

The more he tried to drown his sorrows, the more Ellie's face intruded on his thoughts. Of all three of his children, Ellie was the one who tugged on his hardened heart the most. Ellie had only been six months old when Mary died, but she made her grief known. She would cry until she was blue in the face, and only settle down once her Daddy picked her up. She would fall asleep on his shoulder and wake up the second he put her down. She was the last of his children to speak, and her first word, at seventeen months old, had been a clear and distinct _Daddy! _John could hear her in his dreams sometimes calling for him. On the better nights, she would be a little girl, no older than two or three, running towards him with her arms outstretched and an ear to ear grin on her face. John would pick her up and Ellie would talk. Talk about how much she missed him, how much she loved him, and how great of a daddy he was.

He had a feeling tonight, and every night after tonight for a long while, would be a bad night.

The bad nights had started with Ellie's separation anxiety phase. When Ellie and Sam had turned five and started school, John had decided Dean was old enough to be left alone with longer periods. Before then, Ellie would cry if he left, but she was easily comforted with the thought that _Daddy will be back once the moon's come up three times _or _When Daddy comes back, he'll stay for at least three whole days. _Once John started taking hunts that were longer, Ellie began her first rebellious streak. She'd cry, scream, hide John's car keys-anything she could think of to get him to stay. She'd even gone as far as hurting Sam one night, pushing him down and making him hit his head on the edge of a table, earning her the first real spanking she'd ever gotten, all because she knew that John wouldn't leave until she'd been punished for it. Those were the nights that John would dream of Ellie searching for him, calling for him, and asking him why he wouldn't help her. Why he wouldn't save her. Even when he tried to search for Ellie in the dream, she continued to ask him why he wouldn't save her.

The thought of separating Sam and Ellie terrified him as well. Someone had warned him and Mary before Sam and Ellie were born that the two of them would be best friends and worst enemies. Never before had a piece of advice been so accurate. Eighty percent of the time, Sam and Ellie were the best of friends. They shared toys, clothes, books, and possessions without arguing. From the time they'd started making sounds as infants, they'd even had their own language that neither their father nor their older brother was privy to. Though the secret language had faded with time, Sam and Ellie's bond had only gotten stronger. When Ellie got sick, Sam was the one who felt 'off' for a day or two beforehand and vice versa. In one notable incident, Sam had gotten a stomachache the day before Ellie collapsed at school with severe appendicitis. When Ellie was sad, Sam was depressed. When Sam was frustrated, Ellie couldn't focus on anything. The two of them were so similar it was scary.

But the similarities brought one major downside. Their fights were epic. John wondered sometimes whether he should put the two of them together in a locked room when they fought and just let them duke it out until one of them came out a winner. But he knew the truth, and it killed him. The thing that Sam and Ellie fought about the most?

John.

Sam didn't understand Ellie's devotion to their father. Ellie wanted nothing more than for her father to be there with her. Ellie was never more content than when she was sitting on a couch talking with John or laying down sleeping with her head on his lap. Ellie wasn't crazy about the hunting life, but as long as her father stayed in her life, she was willing to do her best.

When John weighed a decision and didn't jump in headfirst, he sometimes thought about it in terms of tomorrow. If he killed the thing that killed Mary tomorrow, and was able to give Sam and Ellie and even Dean the normal life they so very much deserved, would the three of them trust him enough to _want_ to have a life with their father in it? The thought that they'd ever want to reject John broke his heart.

But the fact remained. Ellie needed to obey him unconditionally. When he said no, the answer was no and she had to live with that. If they were on a hunt, and Ellie went against him the way she had today, it could kill her. And that would kill him. Keeping his children safe had to come before their happiness, even if it meant they hated him. And to keep them safe, he had to know they'd listen to him, even when he wasn't there.

Maybe, John decided, if he said that to himself enough times, he'd come to believe it.

John paid for his drinks and left. He knew beyond a doubt he was too drunk to drive, so he sat in the driver's seat intending to sleep it off. He'd found Ellie a late bus, one that didn't leave until the late afternoon, so he'd give her and Sam the day the next day. Hopefully, he thought, by the time Ellie left, things would be calm enough to put Ellie on the bus without a fight on Sam's side or tears on Ellie's.

_Fat chance, _John thought.

Across town, Dean was still wide awake. John had left nearly three hours before, and Dean was still considering taking his siblings and just leaving. Where he would go, he didn't know, but anything was better than splitting them up. Ellie had woken up crying at one point in the night, only to go straight back to sleep when Sam shushed her and gave her a hug. Dean's mind was firing with the memories he had of his baby sister. The way she'd go right back to sleep as a baby when he held her in just the right way. The way she'd beg him for a story every night, even when he knew that Ellie was too sleepy to stay awake for one. The way she'd hold his hand when Dean was hurt, no matter how grave his injury.

Ellie meant everything to Dean.

How could he let her leave the next day?

Sure, she was only going to Bobby's. She'd be fine. Bobby loved all of them, and would protect Ellie without asking for anything in return. He'd probably spoil her too, Dean thought with an amused grin. Ellie could get the moon from Bobby if she asked him the right way, and she knew it. Dean tried to cheer himself up. He knew that going to Bobby's, even with strict instructions from John about training or some kind of punishment that he expected Bobby to enforce, Ellie would have relative freedom. Maybe she'd be able to do something she'd never dream about doing with her father. Ellie was artistic, but like Sam's academic smarts, that part of her personality tended to be stifled by John when it didn't serve their hunting purposes. She loved to draw, sing, put on plays-anything where she got to do or be something other than what she was. Maybe if she left, at least for a while, she'd get to stretch those artistic muscles.

Nope. It didn't work.

Dean walked back in and checked the clock. Three in the morning. John wasn't back yet, not that that was a surprise. Dean expected him to stumble back in with the sun, reeking of alcohol, ordering them all around. Knowing that he'd never make it through the next day without at least a little bit of sleep, Dean laid down and closed his eyes and prepared himself for the nightmare that would come true when he woke up.

Sam opened his eyes a few hours later. The sun was up, and he was surprised his father had not woken them all up, demanding that they train and do whatever he deemed productive for the day. When he noticed the time, Sam wondered if maybe, just maybe, his dad had decided to do something nice for them for a change and actually give them a day off. _Serious wishful thinking there, Sam_.

Dean was still asleep, as was Ellie, so Sam went to the bathroom and thought about what to do for Ellie. Sam had told Ellie often that Dad would separate them one day as punishment for something. It was the only thing that had stopped Sam from running away more than he already had. Ellie refused to believe it, claiming that Dad wouldn't be that cruel. But this wasn't an I told you so moment. This was really happening. Unless Sam staged some kind of major revolt, starting that night, he'd lose his best friend.

But active rebellion had never worked before. It only served to piss off Dad, which in turn pissed off Dean, which in turn made Ellie cry. So, Sam decided, he'd go with a path of malicious compliance and passive resistance. He'd do whatever Dad told him to, with the bare minimum of effort. Maybe, if he made some sign of peace with Dad, no matter how rocky it was, the separation wouldn't be as long or as painful.

Maybe.

But he wouldn't keep it up forever. One month. He'd give Dad one month of peace. If Ellie wasn't back with them by then, or if they hadn't at least visited her, then passive resistance went out the window.

Sam washed his face and brushed his teeth, deciding to skip out on the shower. He'd need some time to himself later on, and that would be the best opportunity. It was approaching eight in the morning, and Ellie never slept past seven.

Sure enough, when Sam left the bathroom, Ellie was sitting up on the bed looking around. Sam was grateful she wasn't crying, and he grabbed her up in another hug. Ellie held onto him tightly, so tight that Sam was shaking as much as she was.

"We'll run. I'll go with you. Just say the word."

Surprisingly, Ellie didn't respond right away. She loosened her grip on him and wiped her face. "No."

"You sure?"

"We'll never make it far enough." Ellie said. "And when Daddy finds us, he'll keep us apart for good. No, Sammy."

"I won't let this be forever."

"I know." Ellie said. "Where's Daddy?"

"I don't know. He never came back last night."

Ellie sniffed. "Maybe he changed his mind."

"Maybe." Sam said, while thinking _fat chance_ at the same time. "Maybe."

As if he'd heard them, it was at that moment that the door opened. John spotted them and immediately noticed the differences in their expressions. Ellie was sad, begging him again to reconsider. Sam was glaring at him, trying to wilt him out of existence.

"Did you pack yet?" John asked.

Ellie nodded and fought back the tears again. The hope that he'd changed his mind was gone. "Yes, sir."

"Your bus leaves at four. You and Sam can spend the day together until we leave at two thirty."

"Gee, you're so thoughtful." Sam said bitterly.

John tensed at the tone, and very nearly took away the day he'd been planning to let them have. Ellie extinguished the fuse of both her father and brother's temper at the same time.

"Please don't fight. Let's just have today, okay?"

Six and a half hours passed all too quickly, and Ellie's bus was called. She was trying, unsuccessfully, to keep an upbeat attitude. Dean was first to hug her.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Ellie said. "You didn't have a choice."

"We'll be there. Okay? We'll come see you soon."

"I know. I gotta go. I love you, Dee."

"I love you too, pipsqueak. Be good, okay?"

"Okay." Ellie turned around to Sam. "Bye."

"Bye." Sam whispered. He wanted to say more, but was afraid he'd break out in tears if he did. "Call me tonight?"

"Yeah."

They shared another hug, and the final boarding call for Ellie's bus came over the intercom. John finally grabbed Ellie's shoulder.

"Ellison, come on. Time to go."

Ellie turned around and wrapped both arms around John's waist. "Please don't do this, Daddy. I'm sorry."

"Get on your bus, Ellison. Don't miss it."

"Can you take me? Please? At least don't make me sit on there all alone?"

"If I tell you again, you're gonna have a hard time sitting on the bus. Go. Now."

"Yes, sir. I love you." 

"I love you too." John said, though the words barely came out over the lump in his throat. "Go."

Ellie picked up her bag, walked towards her bus, then turned around and waved one more time at her family. Sam smiled and waved at her, trying to set her at some sense of ease. Dean had an arm around Sam waving at her too.

The last thing Ellie saw before she walked onto her bus? John's retreating back as he walked towards the Impala.

By the time the bus pulled away onto the road, John had successfully wiped his eyes and was waiting in the passenger seat for Sam and Dean. Dean had taken a seat on a bench right outside the station and was holding a now sobbing Sam. Five minutes later, after watching Dean tenderly attend to his brokenhearted little brother, the three of them were back on the road.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I know the plot hasn't moved too much yet. I promise there is more plot coming. This chapter is Ellie's angsty thoughts just before and after arriving at Bobby's. **

There was one secret that Ellison Winchester carried around with her.

There were secrets that she shared with each member of her family. Dean knew that she was afraid of cats, and she loved him for not teasing her for it. He didn't do it often anymore, but John would sometimes wake her up in the middle of the night when he returned from a hunt to share a candy bar with her. Some of her favorite memories were of sitting underneath John's arm, smiling up at him with her face full of chocolate as he whispered _don't tell your brothers. _She and Sammy shared countless secrets. Times that she'd taken the blame for something he did and he'd taken the blame for something she did. How she pretended to like John's chili just so he'd cook for her, when in reality she hated it and it made her stomach hurt. How Sam sometimes faked being sick just to feel like someone cared about him.

But there was one secret that Ellie had kept even from Sam. If her father or Dean ever heard her say the way she felt, she was honestly afraid how the two of them would react. Even Sam was likely to hate her if she ever revealed this thought to him.

Ellie hated her mother.

She hadn't always felt this way. She'd been five years old before she even realized that not having a mommy was different. All she'd known was her daddy and brother. But as she got older, Ellie started to notice that everything in their lives could be traced back to her mother's absence. The lack of stability, the permanent anger and sadness in her father, the constant feeling that something bad was going to happen. All of that, in Ellie's mind, traced back to her mother's absence.

It made sense to her. As devoted as her father seemed to be to her mother, Ellie felt it made sense that he'd try to do things the way she would want them done. Which must mean that, if her mom were there, she'd be okay with John sending her away. Without that, Ellie rationalized, John never would have done it.

Maybe, Ellie thought, if she thought that to herself enough, she'd start to believe it.

The bus pulled into the station that Ellie had been to many times before, and Ellie spotted Bobby right away. She got off and grabbed her bag, slouching over to Bobby and giving him the customary hug around the waist.

"How you doing, kid?"

"'m okay." Ellie said.

"Really?"

"Yeah." Ellie said, praying Bobby wouldn't push. She was too tired to cry, but didn't think it would take that much to push her into it. "I'm just hungry."

"Well, I think we can fix that. Any preference?"

Desperately needing to make _someone_ happy, she went for what she knew would put a smile on Bobby's face. "Can we stop at the store? I kinda want to cook tonight."

Bobby grinned. Ellie's cooking reminded him of his late wife's. "You ain't gotta ask me twice."

"What do you want? Meatloaf?"

"How'd you know that was my favorite?"

Ellie felt a smile tugging at the corners of her face. It felt odd with all the turmoil of the last twenty-four hours, but in an odd way, nice. "Good guess."

"Let's go, kiddo."

By seven that night, just as Bobby and Ellie were finishing dinner, Bobby noticed that Ellie was nodding off. She was closing her eyes, her head would drift down, then it would snap back up.

"Go on to bed." 

"It's only seven…"

"And you're falling asleep like you been up all night." Bobby said. "Go on to bed."

"Okay. Good night, uncle Bobby."

"Night, kiddo."

As tired as she was, Ellie couldn't wait any longer. "So what's my punishment?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Daddy didn't send me here to just have a good time." Ellie said. "I figured he would've given you a list of stuff I had to do."

Bobby sighed. "Come here, Butterfly."

Ellie smiled at the now rare nickname for her that she only allowed Bobby to use. She walked over to where Bobby still sat and leaned against the table, waiting for whatever other hammer John had decided to drop. Bobby took her hand and squeezed it.

"I told your idjit Daddy that if he did this, you were mine." Bobby said. "I decided what to do with you."

"What's that mean?"

"It means that as long as you do your basic chores, like clean up after yourself, keep your bed made, and all that jazz, the only thing you need to worry about's going to school."

"I'm really not in more trouble?"

"Nope. What do you say?" Bobby asked.

"Thanks, uncle Bobby." Ellie said.

"Something else on your mind?"

Ellie took a deep breath and said, "I've got something to show you. I'm gonna go take a shower and I'll be right back."

Ellie didn't wait for Bobby to respond, just went upstairs to take her shower. In the twenty minutes she was gone, Bobby cleaned the table and washed the few dishes they'd used that night. He mentally cursed John Winchester the entire time. Bobby had gotten attached to the Winchester children. Attached enough that he'd seriously thought about taking them away from him from time to time. Ellie was heartbroken right now, and no matter what he did for Ellie, he couldn't change that. She looked so out of place without Sam around that she just didn't look real. Bobby knew that this arrangement wouldn't last forever, but he decided to give John a month to come to his senses before doing anything drastic.

Ellie came back down and Bobby stood staring. When she'd stepped off the bus earlier and Bobby had noticed the blue hair, he'd held his tongue despite wanting to burst out laughing. Ellie was an emotional mess, and Bobby didn't want to risk hurting her feelings. Especially without Sam there to act as a buffer. He'd simply not said anything at all about it, but now couldn't resist.

The blue was gone. Her hair was completely back to normal.

"What the hell?"

Ellie, fearful of Bobby's response, tucked her still damp hair behind her ear. "It wasn't permanent. It came out with one shower."

"Well if it wasn't permanent, then why the hell didn't you tell your Daddy that before he sent you here?"

Ellie squirmed on her feet and looked away. Suddenly the pieces clicked into place for Bobby.

"You wanted to see if he'd really do it, didn't you?"

Ellie nodded. "I didn't think he was serious."

"Butterfly, your daddy don't threaten. He promises."

"I know. But when he spanked me after that talent show and he told me he'd send me away if I disobeyed him again, it just didn't make sense. I thought he loved me no matter what I did. I just didn't see how he could send me away from him and still love me. So I thought maybe, if I did something that wasn't really dangerous that he didn't want me to do, he'd see that he shouldn't have said it…"

"Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Your reasoning's a little twisted, but I think I got it. You were trying to test if he really loved you or not?" Bobby asked.

Ellie nodded. 

"And he failed your test?"

Ellie nodded again, and this time tears started to fall again. Bobby counted to five in his head before continuing. He usually did it when he was mad at Sam, Dean, or Ellie and had to discipline one or more of them, but this time he was trying to stop himself from going after John.

"Butterfly, listen to me. In your daddy's own messed up, convoluted way, he loves you. He just don't know the right way to show it. You want to know what he told me when he called and asked me if you could come here?"

"What?"

"That he thought you needed a long break from hunting, and that's the real reason you were coming. That you deserved to be a little girl for a while, have fun and do things kids do." 

Ellie was shocked at Bobby's revelation. "What?"

"Yeah. He was trying to be nice to you."

"But…why didn't he just say that?" Ellie asked. "Why didn't he tell me that instead of making me think it was for punishment?"

"Would you have willingly come without Sam if it wasn't because of punishment?"

Ellie hung her head. "No." 

"Just give it a week or two okay? Give your daddy a few days to realize what a stupid plan this is."

"And if he doesn't?" Ellie asked. "Uncle Bobby, I want my brothers back. I want Sammy." 

"I know. Just give it a few days for me, okay? And you can call your brother. I told your Daddy you weren't coming without a phone call to Sam a day." Bobby promised. "Besides, if I didn't do that, I have a feeling your brother would just hitchhike up here, wouldn't he?"

Ellie laughed, the image of Sam walking down the road with his pack and his thumb sticking out making her laugh. "Yeah. Probably."

"Hey. I know it don't feel like it now, but it'll work out in the end. Okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, uncle Bobby." Ellie said. 

As she hugged Bobby again, she did start to feel a _little _better. Just a little. Enough that she felt okay going on to bed. But she decided she needed some help.

"Uncle Bobby? Will you stay until I go to sleep, please?"

"You bet your butt I will."

Ellie giggled, and thirty minutes later, she was sound asleep. In a display of affection that only the Winchester children ever got from the old, haggard hunter, Bobby stood above her bed, stroking her hair back as she slept.

"I got you, Butterfly. Sleep tight now. Uncle Bobby's gon' make this okay again."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So, this one's a bit rough. John finally goes to see Ellie, thinking she'll be happy, but she's…less than thrilled. **

**My family dog died today guys. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers please. We've had that dog since the fifth grade, over twenty years. Needless to say, it's rough in our house right now. **

John had always thought that Sam fighting him was hard.

Sam not fighting was ten times worse.

Ellie had been gone for a week. John watched all of Sam and Dean's conversations with Ellie carefully. The only time Sam even remotely came alive was when Ellie was on the phone with him. The two of them talked, in detail, about whatever it was Ellie had been doing since she got to Bobby's. The conversations with Dean were significantly less animated, but ended every time with a _love you, kiddo_ that made John's heart twist in an ugly way from jealousy.

John had talked to Ellie twice that week, but it didn't escape his attention that she didn't _ask_ to talk to him like she did Dean. It also didn't escape his attention that her longest answer to any question was _I understand, sir, have a good night._ Gone was any trace of the little girl who would talk to him to the point that John could put the phone down, get himself a drink, and come back to the phone to find that she was still talking.

His inner voice, the one he tried to squash most days, was working overtime lately. There were times that it sounded like Mary, but this week, surprisingly, her voice was silent. This one was all him. _What the hell are you doing? _If all three kids knew how often the answer was _I don't have a damn clue_, any credibility that John might've ever had with them would be shot.

That pesky voice again. _Or it could make them trust you even more._

No, John decided. Ellie was having a blast at Bobby's. _Or she's miserable and she's faking, just like someone else you know._ And John had a feeling that this time, any hurt feelings she had wouldn't just be fixed with a candy bar and a hug.

Another week passed. Sam and Dean got up early in the morning, trained, went to school, came home and trained some more. John did whatever he could to get Sam talking. He'd offer to take him fishing, go to a movie, go to a museum, help him with his homework, take him to the park to kick a soccer ball around. John never offered to do these types of things with Sam, and John knew that Sam noticed. He hoped that Sam recognized that when he cooperated the way he'd been doing the last couple of weeks, there would more than enough opportunity for some of the fun things he wanted to do.

But Sam wasn't taking the bait. He didn't say it out loud, but made it clear what he was thinking. _Not without my sister. _

Even Dean was more distant with him. That was the biggest adjustment of all. In the three weeks after sending Ellie away, John went on two minor, local hunts. He was gone in the space of one day each time. Dean didn't beg to go with him, didn't ask for details when John got back. He just asked John what it was he wanted done each time, did it, and went about his own business.

The Winchesters were at a standstill. He was too stubborn to admit he'd made a mistake and take it back, Sam and Dean were too hurt to do anything other than what he wanted them to do, and he had no clue how Ellie was truly doing since he hadn't seen her yet.

The answer came a week or so later.

Caleb called. There was a hunt at a school near Bobby's, and Caleb couldn't take it. When he mentioned that Ellie would probably love that hunt, John made up his mind.

The school wasn't a traditional one. It was a performing arts high school. The kids who went there were talented in the areas of art, music, or drama. It was perfect.

The hunt was a simple enough one. The school was having problems with doors opening and closing on their own, lights flickering, and classrooms that were twenty degrees colder than the rest of the building. Some faculty were also reporting seeing a student there, dressed in vintage clothing, that would stand at the end of the hallway staring straight ahead. When anyone approached, the student would vanish.

It was perfect, John decided. He could pick up Ellie, let her infiltrate the school, and maybe the two of them could get back on track.

Maybe.

"Sam, Dean, pack up. We're leaving."

Some part of him, one that John hated to admit was there, hoped that Sam would fight. Tell John he wasn't going, that he was staying, start screaming about how John never gave them a choice in anything. But Ellie's departure seemed to have taken the very breath out of Sam. John suddenly got an idea.

"Sam, wait a second. Come here." At the last moment, attempting to sound friendlier than normal, he added, "Please."

It was the please that did it. Sam and Dean shared a look and one of the silent mini-conversations they sometimes had that drove their father crazy. Dean nodded and Sam headed over to John. He didn't scowl, he didn't even frown, he just stood there passively waiting for instruction. _Come on, Sam. Look alive. Just a little. Please?_

"Sam, I just wanted to say I really appreciate you being so cooperative lately. I know you're upset about Ellie. I get that. I haven't forgotten about her. We _are _going to see her soon, okay. I promise."

Sam simply nodded, and John excused him to go pack up.

"I want to be gone in ten minutes."

Ten minutes later and they were gone. John almost told them both the truth several times over the course of the journey, but he stayed silent. Dean sat at his usual spot, staring out the window thinking whatever it was he was thinking lately. Sam figured out the truth just over five miles out of town. John saw out of the corner of his eye Sam perk up and look around.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Sam?" John asked, barely suppressing a grin.

"Are we…going to Bobby's?"

"I don't know." John answered, just as they drove under the Singer Salvage Yard sign. "Is there somewhere else you were thinking…?"

"No way." Sam said, and John saw the first smile he'd seen from any of his kids in weeks. "No way. Thanks, Dad." 

John stopped the car, finally feeling somewhat victorious. He thought about having the conversation with Sam then and there that they weren't just there to see Ellie, they were there for a hunt, but Sam jumped out of the car and ran inside before John had even turned the car completely off.

_Guess the conversation can happen later._

Dean grabbed the bags with John, but he was just as excited as Sam. When they walked inside, Sam was standing in the living room looking around. Bobby came in from the kitchen.

"What the hell are you three doing here?"

"Bobby, where El?" Sam asked.

"It's two thirty, Sam. She's in school." Bobby said.

For one split second, he locked eyes with John and offered him a glare so fierce that it seemed to wither John's very soul. John tried his best to ignore it, but even when he turned his back, he could feel it.

"Sam, take your things upstairs. I'm sure your sister will be back soon."

"Yeah, Sam. She's due back in less than an hour." Bobby said. "Go on and take your stuff up. She'll be back soon."

"Yes, sir."

Before Sam headed upstairs, he did something John found truly amazing. He turned and gave his father a hug, the first that John remembered in over a year.

"Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome, bud. Go on upstairs."

Once Sam was out of earshot, Bobby let what he had been holding back fall out. "So what are you doing here? You must want something."

John sighed. "I came to see Ellie."

"Yeah right. And what was stopping you from doing that three weeks ago?"

"Bobby, please. Just let me enjoy my time with my daughter." John asked.

"If I thought for a minute that you had changed and were just here to get her, I'd pack her bags myself." Bobby said. "But I recognize that look. You're here for a hunt."

John frowned. He couldn't deny it.

"Damn it."

"Is she okay?" John asked, attempting to steer the conversation away from the lecture he felt was coming.

"What the hell do you think?" Bobby asked.

John sighed again. _Guess avoiding that lecture's out of the question._ "Bobby…"

"No. You're gonna listen this time. That kid cried for the first week she was here. What the hell were you thinkin'?"

"I wasn't. I wasn't, okay?" John exclaimed, then looked up the stairs to see if Sam or Dean or perhaps both had heard. "I wasn't thinking. I screwed up big time. You happy?"

"Well damn if hell didn't freeze over." Bobby answered with a smirk.

"That's not helping."

"It ain't supposed to." Bobby replied. "So what are you here for?"

"A hunt Caleb was supposed to do on the other side of town. He said he couldn't make it."

"Riverside school?"

"How'd you know?" John asked.

"'Cause he called me to. You thinking about sending Ellie?"

"Yeah." When Bobby shook his head, John asked, "What? You think it's a bad idea?"

"I think that school's got a basic, run of the mill ghost. It hasn't hurt or killed anybody yet. It can wait. You need to focus on your kid first."

"This is perfect. It'll get us back together."

"You shouldn't have been apart in the first place, you jacka…"

"OW!"

A sudden crashing sound from the hallway, the sound of the door slamming, and Sam's shout of pain and surprise brought Bobby and John running. John nearly pulled his gun. Sam was on the floor with something on top of him. It took nearly a full second (much too slow, John was well aware of) for John to register that Sam wasn't actually in trouble. Dean was laughing heartily at the bottom of the stairs, and Sam had recovered from his shock and had a tight hold on his "attacker".

His…blonde…attacker?

John finally got the full picture. Ellie had come home and spotted her brother, then ran to him so hard she knocked him down. It wasn't the first time it had happened. Anytime the two were separated longer than a few minutes, they were a force to separate again. The first time Ellie had knocked her brother to the floor from her excitement, they'd been two years old.

"_Bubber!" _

_John was going crazy. He was convinced of it. He'd faced ghosts that scared him less than his screaming, unhappy two-year-old daughter. Ellie wasn't throwing a tantrum, because John knew how to deal with that. A quick swat to the leg, a firm reminder that screaming did nothing to get her what she wanted, and Ellie would usually calm right down. If she didn't, John would set her in the playpen/crib that she shared with Sam and she'd fall right to sleep. _

_No, right now she was grieving. She didn't understand why Sammy was in bed and she had to stay with her mean, unreasonable Daddy. Sammy was sick. He needed her, and not letting her help him was the cruelest thing John could do. Since she was nowhere near as strong or fast as her father, she'd settle for sitting in the floor and screaming and crying with all her might. _

"_Bubber!" _

"_Ellison! That's enough!" _

_At her father's outburst, Ellie, who had been standing in order to project her voice, fell flat onto her butt and stuck her trembling lip out. Her screaming stopped, but that damn look on her face stayed. The one that told her father that he was being cruel. _

_Was he?_

_John shook his head. It wasn't unreasonable. Sam had the flu. His fever was 102 and not going down. It was hard enough having one two-year-old sick enough that they'd had to go to the hospital. It wasn't unreasonable to want to keep Ellie separate from Sam so she didn't get sick too. _

_Right?_

"_Daddy."  
_

_John turned back to Ellie, who was still crying, but it was no longer an angry, you're mean and I don't like you anymore type of cry. It was a my heart's breaking and I need you cry, the type that broke through John's armor and caused him to pick her up. _

"_Bubber. Peas?" _

"_Oh, Elle Belle. I know you miss him. But he's really sick and he needs to rest." _

"_Not wake. I west too." _

_John smiled. "If you rest with him, you'll get sick too." _

"_Bubber west wif Ewwie if Ewwie sick." _

_Well, that settled it in Ellie's mind, John knew. If she got sick, Sam would rest with her. A cough and a familiar cracking voice from the doorway made Ellie squirm so much that John nearly dropped her. _

"_Sissy." _

"_Bubber!" Ellie detached herself from her father and ran to Sam, promptly knocking her temporarily weaker twin down onto the floor in her elation that he was back. _

"_Ellison…" _

"_Bubber, we go seep." Ellie said determinedly._

_She helped her brother up, walked with him to the living room, and helped him onto the couch, where the two of them were asleep together in just under thirty seconds. John shook his head. He'd never get the two of them apart, and at moments like this was certain that he'd never want to. An apologetic six-year-old Dean walked into the kitchen. He had been told by his father to call immediately if Sam got out of bed. _

"_Sorry, Daddy. He got away from me." _

"_It's alright, Deano." John said. "How about you and me watch a movie while those two get some rest?" _

_As John had predicted, two days later Ellie was sick with the flu, and as Ellie predicted, Bubber rested wif her too. _

Lost in his thoughts, John had missed Ellie moving to Dean, who held Ellie so tightly that she was telling him to let her go, that she couldn't breathe. John cleared his throat and that brought an immediate silence to all the festivities.

"Hi, sweetie."

Ellie swallowed. "Hi, Daddy."

"It's good to see you."

John could almost see Ellie bite her tongue. "Thank you."

That might as well have been a _screw you_, John thought, but decided he'd take it. "How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"Good. I need your help with something, we'll discuss it after dinner."

Ellie's face fell, Dean's tightened in anticipation of the coming fight, and Sam and Bobby didn't even bother to hide their outrage. Ellie held her hand up to quell the coming onslaught and asked, in an eerily calm way, "So you came because you needed my help? Not because you wanted to see me?"

"Well, yes..."

"No."

John was so shocked at Ellie's flat no that he couldn't be angry. At least for a split second. "Ellie…"

"I said no. You don't get to dump me off because you don't like a choice I made then come back and expect everything to be okay. No."

"Little girl…" Now John's anger was flaring its ugly head.

"I'm not your little girl anymore. You gave that up when you put me on that bus. You've left me over and over and over to save strangers without any kind of a thought about what it did to me. I've forgiven you for that every single time. But as much as you leaving all the time hurt me, I would _never _do it to you. Never. You were my hero. But now, if it weren't for Sammy and Dean, I wish I'd never have to see you again."

The sting from the gunshot wound to his shoulder John had suffered a few months earlier was nothing compared to the sting John felt coming from Ellie's words. Ellie was back at the front door, Sam trailing right behind her.

"Uncle Bobby, I'm going for a walk."

"Be back for dinner." Bobby said.

"Yes, sir. Sam, Dean, you coming?"

"Ellison…"

Ellie turned her fierce eyes, those eyes that so much reminded John of her mother, back onto her father. "I hate you. Go away and leave me alone."


End file.
